make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
