Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
