I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
