Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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