walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
