Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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