after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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