um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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