evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she told me i tasted like america
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize