Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
