he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize