hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
