You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Shame - the story of my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
