I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ruined the universe
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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