I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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