once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize