just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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