Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
