I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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