hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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