i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize