I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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