The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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