Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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