worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
