his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
