That's when you crack a 10am beer
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
