Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
