There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
