my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The Olympian is in my bed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
