This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
