i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're too hungover to prance.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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