May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
