I'm jealous of your bromance
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
