You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
