you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
