tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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