We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
