the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize