And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
