Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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