Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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