people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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