$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
