he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
