i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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