He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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