I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
