Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
