Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
