All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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