I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize