Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
