You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
did you just send me my own nude
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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