My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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