Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
