Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
