I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
