smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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