remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
