did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
jump out the window naked night went bad
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
