I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
