According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
