I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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