Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
