do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
