God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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