Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
