She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
