Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
