Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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