it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize