Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
