I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
