he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize