I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
