I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize