i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
