uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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