I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
