Only a mothe r could love this liver
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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