This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
