i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't deserve a penis
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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