The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
