We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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