The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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