Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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